Saying yes…

I wrote out my few New Year goals some days ago… and though all of them are important to me, one of the MOST important is my goal to say yes more.  I’ve been working on this for a few years, because I think it is an area I can always improve on.

Kids are demanding and I don’t know the statistics, but it feels like I get asked a gazillion and one questions in a day.  I am guilty of switching off and not paying my whole attention to some of those questions, maybe I am in the middle of chores or something else.  Sometimes Ollie will want to show me something and I’ll respond with a “in a few minutes honey” or “when I’m finished these dishes”.  On a busy day, I find myself saying “no” or “not right now” a little too often.  I don’t like it.  I go to bed on those days and I think about it and though my saying “not right now” or “in a few minutes” does not make the boys unhappy… I do know it makes them feel just a little disheartened.

I want to say yes more.  I love Ollie’s and Nate’s little faces when I come to them straight away, whether it is to play for just ten minutes, or to show me something they have built in Minecraft or with Lego.  I need to remind myself that dishes can wait, Ollie and Nate shouldn’t.  I can give them that time and do the dishes when they are occupied with something else, or even when they go to bed.  

My mum once said that when you die, it doesn’t say “here lies (name here), who did not do her chores” on your gravestone.  It is more likely to say “here lies (name here), who was a loving wife and mother”… and that is true. My mum is very wise ha!

I want my boys to grow up to know that I am always there for them, always have been and always will be.  When I say “yes”, what I am really saying to them is “yes, I am here for you, I want to hear what you want to say and you mean the world to me!”.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t say no.  I will still say “no” to the things that require it.  My goal is to say yes to connecting with my boys, to playing with them more, to prioritising them above chores and other unimportant things, saying yes to sillyness and fun.

8 thoughts on “Saying yes…

  1. Leslie says:

    Hi there! Popped over from SITS today and so glad I did! Its really easy to get caught up in everything that has to be done. I know its something I struggle with too all the time. I love your mothers advice tooreally puts things in perspective. Heres hoping youre able to stick to it!

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  2. Momsanity says:

    And this is why I never do my chores in a timely fashion. It drives my husband completely nuts sometimes. I think I’m going to forward your post to him to explain it better. 🙂

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  3. Bonnie Frank a.k.a. LadyBlogger says:

    Thank you for writing this honest reflection of what moms go through everyday! The push and pull of responsibilities, regret, frustration and guilt. (That doesn’t sound too pretty, but you know what I mean.) As a mom of two teenagers, one which goes to college in August, I can tell you that the time really does go swiftly and those kiddos are (hopefully!) never gonna remember whether or not you always did your dishes in a timely manner. They DEFINITELY will remember all the time you had for them and how they feel when they’re with you. I pinned this to my "parenting" board on Pinterest so other parents can read it!

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  4. Rabia Lieber says:

    My son, in particular, is one who needs to hear yes more often. He is wild and crazy and pushes a lot of buttons, so I feel like all I ever do is say "no" to him. However, I also recognize that some of those behaviors are cries for attention that we could both avoid if I said "yes" more often. We are working on getting him to do less crying and whining. I think I shall make him a chart and reward him a "yes" day; where I will promise to say yes to him all day (with a few constraints dealing with money, safety, and traveling distance).

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  5. Steph @MisplacedBrit.com says:

    Steph @MisplacedBrit.comI really appreciate your thoughts, and what Bonnie Frank wrote below too Not just the saying ‘yes’ even, but what you said about going to them straight away! I started saying yes more, but it’s still often followed with ‘in a minute’ which becomes about 10 😦 …then they have already asked for 5 other things and it’s hard to know whether to stick with and see through the one you said yes to already… or go with one of the later requests…?! My Miss 6 remembers then in the evening and does a review of the things I said yes to and then didn’t do… the review does not include all the other things she asked and I ‘did’ do… !! A friend gave me a tip a little while back to say to ask the kids when they want multiple things, or change their minds or make additions, which of them they would like me to do now, and make it clear that we’re not doing the other ones then. Just so they got to prioritise themselves and then I’m not carrying around a burden of all that I didn’t do; and they don’t have a list either! 🙂

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