Kids Can Be Cruel!

When Ollie first started school, I knew that eventually he would come home upset.  I knew that eventually someone would upset him or say something mean, because that’s a part of growing up.  Kids are sometime mean and other kids are sometimes mean back. I had no idea that I would be dealing with it quite so soon.

A couple of weeks ago, Ollie came home and said how a kid (I can’t name names) had told him he would kill him.  This really took me aback, but this kid has a track record of being a little extreme in his threats and a cause of mischief.  Later that week, the same kid locked Ollie and another friend in the bathroom at home time.  There was a moment of panic when his teacher realised he was not in the line and went to look for him.

This week we had tears.  Ollie’s best friend would not play with him but kept running away anytime that Ollie came near.  Ollie was a little quiet when he came home and soon told me what was wrong.  He was upset that his best friend wouldn’t play with him and neither would his ‘girlfriend’. They both kept running away from him.  He told me his heart was hurt.  It took everything in me not to cry while holding him as he sat on my knee.

The other thing that transpired from our heart to heart was that someone had called him gay that same day.  He is FIVE… the kid who said it is SEVEN.  I was so shocked, first of all, wondering how a 7 year old knew the word… and secondly, that he said it in a very derogatory way.  I had no idea that I would be explaining to my 5 year old, what it meant for someone to be gay.

We had a great heart to heart and I told him that if people are mean, the best thing to say is “I’m not going to listen to that” and then walk away.  I also told him that if a friend was making his heart hurt, then he should put energy into making some lovely new friends.  I told him that he is super at making friends and there are lots of people at his school that probably need a good friend like him.  I also reinforced the fact that me and daddy are his friends and we would be his friends forever, no matter what and he should come to us with ANY worries.

I decided the next day, to take Ollie out for a special date night, just me and him!  We went to Winter Wonderland in Belfast.  They had an outdoors ice rink all set up and a few fairground rides.  It was so great to spend quality time just the two of us and I think he really needed it.  We ice-skated… and for his first go he did extremely well!  We shared a hotdog and a chips and then we went on a roller-coaster and a reindeer ride.

I love that boy and know it comes with the territory of being a kid, that other kids will be nasty, and obviously Ollie is no angel himself…. but I had no idea that time would come so soon and that his heart hearting so much, would make my heart hurt just as bad.

6 thoughts on “Kids Can Be Cruel!

  1. Megan Pope says:

    My daughter is also five and in school. She has been since she was four in a pre-kindergarten program in the public school. We’ve been really lucky not to encounter negativity just yet (or if she has, she hasn’t let it get her down). We know it’s coming too, but there’s still nothing to prepare you for the moment that it does.

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  2. Hannah says:

    Poor Ollie thank heavens he has such a caring and wonderful mummy to turn to 🙂 we have also not encountered anything yet but I know sadly it won’t be long. My 7 year old has encountered bullies and rudeness, I’ve heard older children shout derogatory names for a girls private area at my niece which I told her to ignore, that the boys were rude and disgusting, because they are. Hope Ollie will be ok and this other kid learns to be kinder xxx

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  3. Kelly Smith says:

    What a fantastic mom! I work in my children’s school for just this reason. Children start a lot younger these days because they are exposed to so much information but don’t even understand what most of it even means. I would meet with the teacher and principal about that other child though to nip that in the bud before it escalates as he gets older.

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  4. babspinfrance says:

    Oh my. This post broke my heart. How can kids be so mean so young? Your date sounds wonderful. I think you handled this situation so amazingly.

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