The Things I’m Afraid Of…

I don’t like to talk about what I am afraid of, because then it gets stuck in my head and I keep going round and round in circles thinking about it.  I’ve thought about it so much on occasion that I’ve become really panicky and nauseous.
I’m afraid of dying.

I hate thinking about it.  It scares the crap out of me.  It’s the whole “What happens?” “How on earth can a person just not BE anymore”… it’s hard to explain.

It’s such an irrational fear… I mean, there is nothing I can do about it!  It’s going to happen of course… it just makes me feel claustrophobic and nauseous and scared.  I do think about it too much.  It crosses my mind almost every day.  I’m pretty sure I am going to need counselling or some sort of therapy eventually to help me calm down and accept it for what it is.  Either that, or as I get older I am hoping the fear will just lessen!

I also have a huge fear of my boys getting sick, like very sick… or something happening to them.  I don’t like to talk about that though.

The only other thing I am REALLY afraid of is spiders.  Always have been.  It wasn’t until we moved into the house we are in now, that I saw the second biggest spider of my life.  Literally inches long and frickin HAIRY.  That’s because we live next to a forest.  I ask James to kill any spiders I see, but he won’t.  He just puts them outside on the lawn….(and of course they just walk back in like they own the place!).  I’m not as bad as I used to be though.  If I see a teeny tiny one I will squash it with my hand etc.  The thought of big ones terrifies me though.

The biggest spider I ever saw was when I was in Virginia, US as an Au Pair.  I was sat on the balcony one night looking out the window when something caught my eye… it was moving.  Upon closer inspection I noticed that it was a MASSIVE spider twisting a baby mouse in it’s web.  Turning it round and around.  The spider was the size of a childs fist.  As soon as I noticed what it was I ran away to throw up.  Bleugh.

3 thoughts on “The Things I’m Afraid Of…

  1. Simon Jenner says:

    I think everyone tries to put all those nasty thoughts out of their head. Mine normally return when I’m lying awake in bed after something’s gone bump in the night and woken me up – then I never get back to sleep. I enjoyed your spider stories – “inches long and frickin HAIRY” – very funny! I don’t like the sound of that one that was the size of a child’s fist though. Yuk.

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  2. Venassa says:

    Ugh that spider story gave me the creeps.I’m scared of dying (aren’t most of us?) but not to the point that I get anxious about it. I really completely and totally worked up when it comes to throwing up. I am sure I need counselling for it already, sadly.

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  3. karen says:

    OMG…I almost walked straight into a spider’s web with a sipder smack dab in the middle. It would have been right in my face…I had nightmares for days.I am so scared of something happening to my son as well and of something happening to me and him growing up without me…makes me sick beyond words.

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